Mentorship: Instructions for Use

THE RELATIONSHIP BETWEEN MENTORS AND MENTEES IS A TWOWAY STREET: THEY BOTH RECEIVE AND GIVE ADVICE TO MAKE THEIR RELATIONSHIP AS FUNCTIONAL AND EMOTIONAL AS POSSIBLE. MENTORS, WHICH HAVE MYTHOLOGICAL ORIGINS, SHOULD FOLLOW SOME SIMPLE RULES TO SUCCEED IN THEIR TASK, PUTTING THEIR EGO ASIDE. MENTEES, HOWEVER, MUST KNOW HOW TO ESTABLISH A RELATIONSHIP

by Vincenzo Perrone, Full Professor of Business Organization
Translated by Jenna Walker

Mentoring is not just a word or an organizational role, or one of those fleeting managerial fads periodically imported from overseas. Since its origins, it has always been a myth. A Homeric myth to be precise. A myth that speaks of personal growth and relationships, which can still help us today to better interpret a process that, to be useful, must be conducted with care. In the Odyssey, Mentor is a dear and old friend of Ulysses. The latter trusts him so much that he entrusts him with the care of his home and his interests and above all his son, Telemachus, who the hero leaves for many years for the Trojan war, along with his mother Penelope.

The first quality of mentors (with a lowercase M) is therefore that of being a person worthy of trust, not just an expert. Because they know how to be loyal, because they share the values and protect the interests of those who hand over what is most valuable, namely the head, heart and future of another human being. And because they have to honor the commitment they make, with constancy. This role cannot be accepted lightly and more than just a little spare time and focus must be dedicated. Mentees could be disappointed and it would be a waste of time for both of them.

In the most important parts of the poem, Mentor, with a capital M, is replaced by the goddess Athena who takes on his form. She is the protector of Ulysses and the Greeks, and careful to support and advise even Telemachus when he needs it. It is truly interesting that Mentor is actually a woman and a goddess. Because the essence of a relationship based on commitment is caring for another person. To be successful in caring, men too must make room for the feminine sides they have within themselves. Indeed, the enemies of a good mentorship are the narcissistic and testosterone-fueled egocentrism typical of highly successful men or women who think of themselves as a model, with such a force capable of crushing rather than inspiring the other person. Or the inability to recognize and manage one's own emotions and those of others that characterize any human relationship with meaning and even more so one that has the aim of stimulating an individual's personal and professional growth. In mentoring, as in all other forms of counseling, the relationship is as important as the content that is exchanged. And it shouldn't be hard to be a passionate and active listener to what the other has to say. By delaying judgment and taking time before suggesting answers and solutions that mentees should be assisted in finding by themselves, in order to create autonomy and not dependence.

The goddess Athena has three fundamental attributes: she is the divinity of wisdom (it is no coincidence that Hesiod says she was born from the head of Zeus), as well as war and all the arts and business. These are three useful indications for interpreting the role of today's mentors. Indeed, mentors should offer three gifts to their mentees: wisdom, political acumen and practicality in transforming reality. The first is a gift that arises from the different experiences between the two. Mentors have already experienced much of what mentees might encounter. This is why they can teach them that mixture of intelligence and prudence that we call wisdom, which is needed especially when issues are complex and must be interpreted correctly. However, that experience can be a dangerous gift because, by definition, it arises from a consideration of the past. The world facing mentees may not necessarily be similar to the one mentors have already seen.

This is why the relationship must be a relationship of exchange and alliance. Where experience is exploited but also the youthful courage to overturn tables and visions while exploring the future. This is also why mentors should expect to change and learn something from mentees if they want to be successful. They should take advantage of the freshness of a new outlook that is different from their own, as well as the chance to recognize the limitations of the models experience has consolidated in interpreting a world that is actually fluid and changing. Mentors have typically experienced more battles than their mentees. They know how to distinguish friends from foes and they especially know that professional technical knowledge alone is not enough to achieve one's goals in the complex reality of a company. It is necessary to know how to influence others by building power bases and using the right tactics depending on the situation and participants. This is what is intended as political acumen. It is a skill that is not taught at school, but must be developed in a relationship such as that with a mentor. Finally, there is practicality. Mentors should encourage mentees to apply their skills to a specific activity and with a defined goal. You learn by listening but even more when doing so under the shrewd guidance of a teacher. That way, change is more than just cognitive or emotional, it is what it should always be: changing oneself, in a positive relationship with others, to change the world around us for the better.

 
How to Be a Good Mentor
 
The foundation of a good mentoring relationship is mutual trust
You should never agree to be a mentor if unsure about being able to deliver on the promise of focus, presence and advice
 
The first enemy of a good mentor is an ego
You should be able to inspire without pressing, suggest without inhibiting, educate without commanding. A slight dose of humility and a strong sense of humor will be of great help
 
In mentoring, the relationship is the content
Everything is filtered through the relationship. This is why the dynamics of identity and affective attachment between the two parties is also important and must be monitored. The relationship must be a safe space for both parties. What happens in the relationship must not contradict what you are trying to teach. Both sides must want to get together
 
Mentors receive as much from the relationship as mentees
The relationship is an exchange in which experience meets the freshness of a new outlook on the world and is enriched by it. Because of this, curiosity, openness to experience and listening skills are essential to being a good mentor
 
Out of Athena/Mentor's three gifts, wisdom, practicality and political acumen, the third is especially important to mentees
Learning to build a map of power in situations to intervene by being able to understand the role of the different actors, their interests and the tactics of influence that could best work against them is a valuable art that mentors should be able to teach mentees
 
Mentors should remember that the future belongs to mentees
It helps mentors to imagine this relationship as an opportunity to transfer a legacy that is more moral and spiritual than one made up of skills. A gift that the other uses to change the world as the mentor would have liked to do. However, It is not the mentor's responsibility if this does not happen, but rather the mentee's