Want a stronger social network? Turn off the phone and stay away from social media

THIS IS ONE OF THE RECOMMENDATIONS OF MARISSA KING, PROFESSOR OF ORGANIZATIONAL BEHAVIOR AT THE YALE SCHOOL OF MANAGEMENT. ANOTHER? AWAKEN DORMANT CONTACTS. KEEPING IN MIND, HOWEVER, THAT HAVING MORE CONTACTS IN YOUR NETWORK DOES NOT AUTOMATICALLY MAKE IT MORE EFFECTIVE

The rise of social media means people spend more time on their “networks” than ever before. Yet our understanding of how networks actually work is often hazy – especially post-pandemic. In “Social Chemistry: Decoding the Patterns of Human Interaction,” Marissa King, Professor of Organizational Behavior at the Yale School of Management, takes an evidence-based approach to networks that shows how we can improve their effectiveness.

What was your goal in writing this book?
I knew from my time studying how networks work that a lot of the advice I was getting about networks was really misguided. I wanted to help other people who had struggled with feelings of anxiety around networking to understand how it really works.   

How it was “misguided”?
Far too often, the advice is meet new people, and grow your network. But what we know from decades of research is that the size of your network is not what is important. What counts is the quality of your social relationships, and their structure. Our networks are just the traces of social interaction we have on a daily basis, whether it is bumping into a barista when you get a coffee in the morning, or a more enduring relationship of friends and family.

So bigger is not better?
If you look at how our networks matter, a wide range of research has shown they are critical for how likely we are to get a job, promotion, creativity, innovation, cognitive engagement, and even health and happiness. The type of network you have has an overall impact on your longevity.  For every single one of those outcomes, it’s not the size matters. It is the quality of those relationships and the configuration of those relationships. It’s what your network map looks like that really matters.

How can people more effectively harness the power of their networks?
The first step is to take an inventory of your current network’s strengths. We can categorize people’s networks as one of three types: expansionists, brokers, or conveners. By understanding the strengths of your existing network, you can begin to utilize it more effectively. No matter what type you have, there is extraordinary untapped value in your existing network. And one of the most effective strategies to utilize that is to get in touch with people who may have lost touch with and to reconnect with them.

What advice do you have for “successful networking” or for people to improve their networking abilities?  How do people become better networkers?
One of the first is reaching out to dormant ties, an idea developed by Daniel Levin at Rutgers and his colleagues. A study with executives showed that those people the manager hadn’t talked to in 2 or 3 years were much more likely than current contacts to provide better or innovative ideas. The trust endures within those relationships for an exceedingly long time. My best suggestion is to list 3 or 4 people you haven’t spoken to in 2 or 3 years, and just reach out to them. That can be one of the ways to reinvigorate your network after the pandemic, when most people’s relationships have taken a hit.

What is the consequence, in your view, of diminished social contact during the pandemic?
My colleagues and I have conducted a study and found that our networks shrank by close to 16% during the pandemic. But that reduction in the overall size of our networks was due to the shrinkage of men’s networks, which shrunk by more 35%, or roughly 400 people. Women’s networks hardly shrank at all. Women tend to maintain and develop relationship through conversation, which has been unimpeded during the pandemic. Whereas men tend to develop and maintain relationships by doing things together like having a drink or playing sports.
One thing that is critical for everyone is we know that disruptions like what happened during the pandemic tend to be enduring. If we are not attentive about reinvigorating or revitalizing our social connections post pandemic, the consequences are likely to be long.

Any other ways that men and women have different networks?
One key difference is that at work, men turn to them same people both for resources and advice, as well as for socializing. But women tend to keep those separate. Women go to one social circle if they want to talk about their private life, and to a different set of people if they need help or a resource. It helps them achieve more work-life balance, but it also means they are doing more work to get to the same set of outcomes.

How can employers encourage networking? Does networking make for a more productive workplace?
It’s critical. We know that relationships at work have a huge impact on organizational performance, on everything from reducing turnover at companies to increasing creativity and innovation. The ability to ask for help without fear of reprisal is absolutely critical to team performance and has been shown in dozens of studies to be the most important indicator.
And the best ways employers can think about doing this is through events that have safety and structure. The idea of just putting people together for a cocktail party or a professional event simply doesn’t work. We know from research by Kathy Phillips, Tracy Dumas, and Nancy Rothbard that it often leaves people feeling excluded. It has a counterintuitive negative impact. Employers need to create opportunities for a meaningful interaction where people can engage in self-disclosure in a safe and structured way. It could be having a guest speaker talk about art, or a chocolate tasting.

Office or working from home: how important is office work for networks?
We know that as long as people are in the office at least half the time that their relationships don’t suffer. But it is almost impossible to replicate face-to-face interaction online. The quality of our interactions is determined in the moment, and through our senses. So literally through eye contact, things like touch. If I am on a screen, it is impossible for me to make eye contact with you and look at the camera at the same time.

Do you have any suggestions about how to create connections in a virtual work environment?
One of the most effective things is to make time for one-on-one interactions that are separate from work. And it’s absolutely critical for managers in particular. Managers need to be reaching out to every direct report, rather than just simply checking in on how they are doing. People think that working virtually gives them more time to work. Yet if you are in a management role, it actually increases the amount of emotional work and the one-on-one discussions you need to be having.

What are the common obstacles to effective networking, and how can we overcome them?
There are three main obstacles, and quite simple solutions. Let’s start with the moral uneasiness part that can arise from the sense that networking can feels too instrumental and calculating. Changing your mind set and thinking about what you can give in a social interaction instead of what you can get can be an effective way of overcoming that obstacle.
The second one is a notion that some people are not good networkers is simply not true. We know that any form of intelligence, like emotional intelligence for example, can be learned. Erica Boothby did a study that showed people really underestimate how they are liked in conversations. It’s called the liking gap. By starting to approach social interaction as something you can learn, and that you are probably doing better than you think, you can build confidence.
The final piece is time, and understanding how to use the time you do have more effectively.  

Is there an optimum amount of time you should be spending to strengthen your network?
The best thing you can do to strengthen your network is to get off social media. We know that the quality of our relationships is determined in the moment. There has been great research that shows that even having your phone on the table during a conversation makes the other person perceive you as less empathic and the conversation is less important and engaging. The best thing you can do for your social connections is put your phone down. And truly be with the people you are with.

What is the best type of communications for reaching out? Written? Email? does it matter?
Phone call. The phone has become something I feel like people are afraid of. Hearing someone else’s voice is such a gift. It has an effect on our body that is the equivalent of a hug. It reduces cortisol,  a biomarker of stress, and really enhances our social connection. Written connection doesn’t bring those emotional benefits. If you are brave enough, pick up the phone. But even a simple note saying “I just read this article now and was thinking of you” can really help both you and the other person. People really needing social connection right now.

by Jennifer Clark